[The reminder of the party stings. The reminder that Stolas went-- which was well within his right, even if he'd never been an "ex" because they'd never been together. Blitzø makes another ugly little aborted sound, slowly sitting down and hunching forward, collecting himself.]

I do, Stolas, I want-- the stupid shit, I want. [He smudges the heel of one hand over his eyes.] I want to watch movies with you, I want to sit and drink coffee with you, I want to go fucking grocery shopping with you. I want you in my life but I've fucked this up so badly what does saying it even mean? I don't want you to get on that train, not unless I'm on it with you-- I breathe easier when you're near me, I fucking sleep better with your stupid little hooting snores, you're warm and soft and sweet, trying to live without you has been like drinking shitty black coffee when I got used to the best creamer in Hell, okay? [He's folded forward so his forehead is against his knees, so all of this is kind of yelled at the floor, but at least he said it, maybe? Maybe Stolas would get it, now that he said it instead of trying to say it with actions. He'd never been good with words.]