[Stolas’s head snapped up and swiveled over to stare at Blitzø with wide eyes. His gaze locked on the imp's posture, mirroring much of his own. Was that what he thought?]
No Blitz, I-.... That's not what I meant when I was referring to being trapped. You've never made me feel trapped. [There was a moment of hesitation as he pulls back to stare at his knees.] It would be lonely if you left. Only of you want to stay, that is. I wouldn't force you to be with me.
[He catalogues Stolas' movements, watches the way he folds up even smaller, somehow, and lowers his hands. His tail loops up over the arm of the couch with him and curls against it, like he's holding onto the corner to avoid wringing his hands again.]
[He exhales a wobbly laugh.] Pretty sure I've told you before, I don't do shit I don't wanna do. Can-- can I come over there? It's weird for you to look so little wedged up in the corner of a couch.
[Progress. He draws in another breath and exhales, trying to calm the roar of his heartbeat in his ears, the way it thuds stupidly against his ribs like an animal trying to escape the confines of his chest, and uncoils his tail from the arm of the couch in favor of crawling over toward Stolas. It's startlingly similar to the way he sat on the chaise in Stolas' bedroom in the palace when they first met again, which he only realizes as he frowns at his feet stuck straight out in front of him. He wiggles his hooves idly and quirks a crooked grin.]
It's..., I guess kind of reassuring to know you're nervous about this, too. [His hands rest on his thighs and he lays the spines on his back flat so he can put his shoulders against the cushions, even if his head has to be tilted forward because of his giant fuckass horns. It leaves him watching his hands in his lap, and he fidgets, wringing his fingers together again.] ...um. I think. A really important way for me to. Start this, is by saying I'm really fucking sorry.
[Stolas let's out an airy chuckle, along with more of his pent up nerves as he shifts a bit in his spot. Nothing got past the imp's sharp eyes. Getting into a more relaxed position, he inched a bit closer to the imp, but still giving him his space.
Then, there it was... the shoe drop. Stolas kept his eyes fixed in front of him and he tightened his grip on his knee.]
Sorry? For which part? [Whoops, that came out more accusatory than he meant.] I mean... a lot has happened between us. I'm... sorry too for my hand in all this.
[He was afraid to sit too close-- he wanted to, Satan did he want to just crawl into Stolas' lap and bury his face in the tuft of feathers at his collar and hug him and apologize until he was hoarse (ha), but--]
[--that. That was pretty solidly why. He flinches, knowing Stolas isn't wrong, and probably doesn't mean it as harshly as it comes out, but it still pulls his posture inward like he's a doll on a string. His breath catches when he draws it in, and then it's his turn to pull a knee up to his chest and hug onto it. Stolas apologizing just after soothes, but only just-- he doesn't feel like he deserves the apology, anyway.] All of it, Stolas, I-- fuck. [He presses his face into the side of his knee and breathes a moment.] I'm so fucked up, I already told you I'm shit at sorries-- you're the only fucking one I wanted to apologize to and I decided to ride my dick ass around all seven fucking rings apologizing with cheese baskets to a bunch of fuckers instead, because I'm a stubborn piece of shit.
[That night... that party... All this seems hauntingly familiar. His memories of that night were hazy at best after he walked off that stage. Numbing his sorrows with an ocean of booze. Somewhere in the back on his mind, Blitzø's words itched. Drumming his talons, Stolas thought about what to say next.]
It's alright, Blitz. Truly... We were both hurting. I know what it's like to be caught up in the heat of passion and regret the things I've said. [A breath as his talons stop moving.] To which I have so, so many regrets.
[Blitzø makes an agitated trill of sound and swats a hand through the air, but manages a derisive laugh despite himself.] Yeah, we know the heat of passion pretty fuckin' well, don't we. [He sounds. Tired about that, worn in a way he doesn't usually let himself be.]
[He takes a breath, holds it, exhales, and turns toward Stolas, finally letting himself scoot sideways to bump their hips together. It's a bit of a snowball effect from there, and he draws both his knees up and huddles sideways, tail winding cautiously around Stolas' as he hugs his arms close to his own body.] ...the only thing at that party you were wrong about was that it didn't mean anything. I really, really am a motherfucker. A-and I didn't mean to hurt you. Not at all. [He will not be looking up from where he's got his head tipped forward into his knees anytime soon, thanks.]
[Stolas let's out a strangled laugh at Blitzø’s comment, giving him a little roll of the eyes. That's not the heat of passion he was talking about but... yes. They were very familiar with that.
Feeling the sudden warmth press against his thigh, the owl's heart rocketed up to his throat. Stolas sat frozen, not daring to move as that tail wrapped around his. Having his own words echoed back at him, a cold realization sunk in. Oh... oh shit... he was there when he was singing that song.
His heart felt like it was trying to escape, making it hard for the goetia to swallow it back down.]
It... it did? [He turns his head slightly to blink down at him.] Then... what did it mean to you?
[Blitzø's a pretty small guy. He's tall for an imp, but he's still barely more than four feet tall, though when you include his horns he seems a little less microscopic, even as an owl pulled seven times through a taffy puller and the actual height of a tree. Anyway, aforementioned imp has become impossibly smaller, curled there against Stolas' leg, and the way he keeps crunching further and further inward is making it really hard for him to breathe. Add to that the fact that he's verging somewhere between panic and outright sobbing breakdown, and he realizes he quite plainly can't fucking breathe folded up as he is, so he worms forward and presses his face into Stolas' feathery knee with a squashed whine of sound.]
[It could almost be funny, if it weren't for the way he stretches slightly and folds both his arms around the goetia's leg in favor of a quiet, miserable admission.] Everything, Stolas, I can't even fucking explain properly. I'm not-- [He sucks in a harsh breath and sits up, splaying both his hands over his face.] Fuuuck me, please don't judge if I start crying, just pretend you don't see anything. I'm not usually this fucking soggy, you just turn me into some kind of waterlogged sponge.
[When Blitzø doubled over, pressing his face against his leg, both of Stolas's hands shot up over his head. It took him a second to process what was going on as the imp bared his heart. Should he touch him? Would he shy away? Would he want that? Before the owl could decide what to do with his hands, Blitzø had made the choice for him. Slowly, Stolas lowered his hands back into his lap.
This was... new. It feels like ever since the trial, he has been seeing all sorts of new sides to him. Which... wasn't a bad thing. Confusing, if anything honestly. Closing his eyes, Stolas tilts over to press his shoulder against the imp in a comforting gesture.]
I see nothing. [He says in a soft voice.] You don't need to explain... I saw what you did at my sentencing. [There was another lull before he exhaled.] The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you...
I'm so fucking sick of losing what I care about because I'm a shithead, Stolas, and I almost lost you so permanently-- [He's curled his fingers so his claws dig just a little into his skin, immediately leaning back when Stolas puts his shoulder against him. He sucks in another breath, moves his hands, and instead presses his palms to his temples, drumming his fingers against his horns.] Fuck. Sorry, this-- I'm. Gonna be better about this.
["I can always do better", in a different way.]
[He still can't make himself look at Stolas, the stinging to the corners of his eyes making him afraid of it, but he wiggles his way against his side more securely.] 'n you didn't, not really. Not with that, at least. I'm-- [He laughs, because he feels ridiculous saying this when he's a hair's breath from bursting into tears.] I'm a hardy bitch, y'know?
[One of his hands moves to his neck and rubs absently, and then he frowns and does look up at Stolas, and-- yeah, he's all shiny-eyed and stressed out-looking, but there's a stronger current of worry.] ...you never told me what they did, after they threw me out. Banished, yeah, but-- they didn't hurt you, did they? [He reaches out before he can think better of it, ghosting his claws over the feathers at Stolas' neck.]
[Listening to Blitzø get so overwhelmed with emotions to even speak... it was like icy hands were gripping around the owl's neck, making it hard to breathe. Knowing that he had a hand in all this made his stomach sit like a rock in his gut. Despite what the imp had said, trying to brush it off, the fact of the matter was that he did hurt him. Unintentional or not... he did.
Stolas fidgets a little in his spot, shaking his head.]
It's alright to feel your emotions, Blitz... You know what helps me feel better? Singing about them. [He gives a gentle snort before his expression turns solemn.] That night when I gave you the crystal... The things you called me... I never knew I made you feel so low. My intentions towards you had always been genuine. You don't know just how important you are to me, Blitz... I regret ever making you feel that you weren't.
[The corners of the owl's eyes stung as he fought back the tears that threatened to leak out. That was until a soft touch brushed against his neck. All of his feathers ruffled as a shiver ran down his spine. Fuck, he missed being touched. Trying to shield his embarrassment, his eyes darted to the ceiling.]
O-oh? After? Well... nothing much really. They just stripped me of my status and my powers. It didn't hurt exactly, though it wasn't entirely pleasant either. It felt as if something was being pulled out of me, sapping my strength. I still feel a bit... empty.
[He manages an ugly little laugh at the suggestion of singing, shaking his head.] Not all of us are graced with the vocal presence of an angel, buddy. [He ducks away farther at the mention of that Full Moon, tail shifting and winding around his own leg.] It...,
[He huffs out a gusty sigh, damp, and smudges his hands over his eyes.] I don't really think it's intentional, you've just always had a silver spoon in your mouth. You don't know what it's like for bottom-feeders like me. How... impossible it is, to think someone with so much power and influence could want to..., slum it. I still don't get it, I'm still gonna second-guess it..., And honestly that you just threw it all away for me will never make sense. [He sniffs roughly, leaning into Stolas' side for a spell.]
[He looks back up with the details on his powers being stripped, carding his claws through his feathers.] ...they can't ever take it all from you, you just. Are magic. But take it easy on yourself, yeah? Don't overdo it.
[Somehow, hurting Blitzø unintentionally made his stomach sink more. How blind he had been. So caught up in this fantasy he concocted that he didn't stop to think. Having his privilege stripped from him, he was only being to see what 'slumming it' really was. God... he didn't want to think about being poor right now.
In all his wild imaginations about their future, it was always been him with his princely status and Blitzø being well.... Blitzø. Never in a thousand years did he imagine the real cost it would take to truly be with him. Still, if he had to throw it all away to save his life, he would do it all over again.
Stolas lowered his eyes has he lets out a heavy sigh.]
I think you sell yourself too short, Blitz. If that party had anything to show, it proves how deeply others are drawn to you.
I... I couldn't let you die for a mistake I made. Letting you use my grimoire was highly illegal and yet I permitted you to borrow it. I knew that there would be dire consequences if we were ever to be found out. Besides.... [Stolas allows himself to sneak a small peak at Blitzø.] ... no matter what we are, I'd always come in your hour of need. A world without you in it isn't one worth living.
[He offered Blitzø a sheepish grin before quickly darting his eyes away to stare back up at the same spot on the ceiling. It took everythinghe had not to start cooing at the pleasant feeling of his feathers being combed. He did, however, leaned into the touch.]
I will try not to 'over do it'. I still have my immortality but any other magical ability has been purged from me.
[Blitzø scoffs a sardonic huff of laughter, shaking his head.] Yeah, drawn to me because I'm enough of an asshole I didn't realize I'd hurt them. [Which-- was actually impressive for him to have realized. Verosika's words stuck with him, and he was realizing how fucking oblivious he was about so much.]
[He hums, shaking his head again.] No, that... that's not just on you. I knew better, and I still tried to steal the damn thing. Still fucked around and found out, literally and figuratively. [That last bit, though... "A world without you in it isn't one worth living". It steals the breath from his lungs, a sharp inhale cut off as he jolts upward to look at Stolas. He's stunned, to have it stated so plainly, that Stolas straight doesn't want to live without him. He's the same, of course, and it took the trial for him to realize, and oh, he feels absolutely sick with emotion.]
[He draws in a shallow breath and withers into the back of the couch like a leathery little plant.] I do not fucking deserve you, or anything you've done for me, but-- fuck, I'm so grateful. [He just leans there a minute, eventually turning his head to look back up at Stolas, and he manages a funny little smile.] Nah. Still magic. [He reaches over and paws for Stolas' hand.]
[Deserve, huh? The smile on his beak withered as that nasty inky guilt bubbled in his gut again. Right now, Stolas didn't feel like he deserved much of anything. Losing his powers and status hurt, yes but it was nothing compared to losing his daughter. Without a second thought he was ready to die for Blitzø. It was shameful now to admit it was only after did he think what would happen to Via.
He had broken the one big promise he made to her. That he wouldn't 'run away' with Blitzø to leave her alone. What a horrible father he was... How could he deserve to be happy when she wasn't there to share it with him?
Just has he was downward spiraling, he felt a hand pawing for his. Stolas looked down at Blitzø, giving him a light snort and roll of the eyes at his as he gentle nudged him with his shoulder for his corny 'magical' comment. But he allowed his to take his hand in his.]
Say... Blitz? May I ask you something? [There was one last nagging question that buzzed in his brain.] You have been so accommodating ever since the trial. Taking me in, looking after me.... Why are you being so kind to me? It isn't out of some sense of obligation after I saved your life, is it?
[He writhes a bit on the couch, shifting until he's a little more comfortable folded up on himself like a pretzel, Stolas' hand first in one, then in both of his own. He catches himself rubbing one thumb along the back of Stolas' knuckles, admiring the inky, blue-black of them.]
Hm? Oh. Mmmn. [He scrunches his face like it's hard to put to words, shifting one of his hands to slot their fingers together. He smiles, slowly, shrugging both shoulders.] Not obligation. Just... understanding. I've been through a lot of rough patches in my life, Stolas, and... [Shaking his head, he looks up and leans his head flat against the couch. His smile is tired, but still warm.] My hand in the cookie jar or not, you're too important to me to let you figure this shit out by yourself. Loss fucks a person up-- changes you, and I-- [He squeezes Stolas' hand, his face mottling an embarrassed grey.] I. Don't want you to get on that train to London.
[It wasn't very often he was stuck silent. But this, this was one of those time. Oh sweet merciless Satan, that line started a whole cascade of emotions toppling inside. It wasn't too long ago that the imp gave him a hard time for his love of sappy romcoms. Now Blitzø was spouting them with a straight face. This sudden change of heart still caught the goetia off guard. Where was this side of him before?
His whole heart-shaped face darkens with a deep flush as he continues to stare wide eyed at the imp. God, this silence has stretched on for too long. All four of his eyes fluttered, turning to head slightly to the side as a ghost of a smile haunts the corners of his beak.]
[He instinctively wants to make some kind of joke-- that neither of them are going anywhere, because they're stuck in weird ocean and giant turtles land, and that does settle like a little stone at the back of his mind, but he has to trust that isn't what Stolas meant. That he meant it as a concept, that he wasn't leaving Blitzø, that he wasn't getting on the figurative train to figurative London in the figurative rom-com that had become their life.]
[He leans forward until his forehead is pressed against Stolas' side.] Good. Me either.
[Stolas didn't move as Blitzø leans up against him. His warmth actually felt... calming. He could get used to this side of him.
Again, a moment of comfortable silence passed between them. This was not how he had pictured this Talk going. Maybe it was just his past experiences but he was fully braced for yelling and tears. Not that he was complaining about the outcome. Yet... there was still one burning issue that needed to be ironed out.]
So, Blitz.... About us... [He pauses.] Are you suggesting that you want to give it another try?
[This side of him-- this sweeter, gentler side of a roguish, volatile creature who kills for a living and enjoys it... It's always been there, it's who he is at his core, but years of hardship and self-inflicted isolation have turned softness to stone, sugar to crystal. What's worse, he can't help but reach out and try, can't help but let some of the kindness in his heart seep through the cracks of the barrier he's built around it. But he misreads, and he doesn't communicate well when he's hurt, so he internalizes everything, and it's turned him harsh.]
[This was hardly all they needed to discuss, all they needed to lay out and explain, to understand about one another, but... Stolas shifting the topic drew Blitzø out of the near-doze he'd slipped into. He makes a curious grunt of sound and sits up again, blinking a few times and then scrunching his eyes closed to process the question.]
...don't get mad at me for saying this, but there wasn't an us to really speak of before. I'm-- that's on me, mostly. [His body coils again, back into the couch cushions with his tail wound around himself.] ...but. If you... [He exhales, curling his arms around his knees and ignoring the way his whole frame is shaking slightly.] If you want there to be an us. [He blinks at his knees, holding his breath, eventually mashing his face into them because he can't look at Stolas right now.] Then, yeah. "Us" sounds fucking great.
[That ember of that warm fuzzy feeling was promptly snuffed out remembering 'them' from before. Right, they never were an us before. Reacting on instinct, he pulled back his hands to hug his arms. So... if him being kind to him wasn't because Blitzø wanted to be with him then... was he misreading their situation again?
Stolas's brows furrowed slightly as his grip tightens.]
Blitz.... I want to do this properly if we are to pursue this. I... may not be ready but.... I want to be.
[He stays curled into his knees, trying to keep his breathing even and trying to listen and digest Stolas' words before he responds. He's been so reactionary with Stolas, so vicious, because he had to be.]
[Because he thought he had to be.]
[He draws in a careful breath and lifts his head, and seeing the way Stolas has drawn back into himself again makes his eyes get hot. He did that. He always did that--]
I'm not right for you, you know. I mean-- look at this. Look at us. All I've ever done is hurt you when it mattered, Stolas, how can..., Why would you want that?
[Stolas found himself sharply cutting in with a bit more umph then it meant to. Shrinking into himself more after his little outburst, he casts a remorseful look to the floor.]
I mean, before all this... before I placed my one-sided expectations on our situation... [Before he misread their relationship...] I meant what I said that you made me happy. You made me feel wanted, even if it was for a little bit. Made me forget about...
[The words get caught up in his throat as he vaguely gestures to himself. His scrawny twig ass.]
... all this. Seeing you take control of your own fate, it opened my eyes that maybe I could escape mine.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Stolas’s head snapped up and swiveled over to stare at Blitzø with wide eyes. His gaze locked on the imp's posture, mirroring much of his own. Was that what he thought?]
No Blitz, I-.... That's not what I meant when I was referring to being trapped. You've never made me feel trapped. [There was a moment of hesitation as he pulls back to stare at his knees.] It would be lonely if you left. Only of you want to stay, that is. I wouldn't force you to be with me.
no subject
[He exhales a wobbly laugh.] Pretty sure I've told you before, I don't do shit I don't wanna do. Can-- can I come over there? It's weird for you to look so little wedged up in the corner of a couch.
no subject
You may... I didn't know where you wanted to sit so I thought I would give you options. Though, I might have over corrected...
no subject
It's..., I guess kind of reassuring to know you're nervous about this, too. [His hands rest on his thighs and he lays the spines on his back flat so he can put his shoulders against the cushions, even if his head has to be tilted forward because of his giant fuckass horns. It leaves him watching his hands in his lap, and he fidgets, wringing his fingers together again.] ...um. I think. A really important way for me to. Start this, is by saying I'm really fucking sorry.
no subject
Then, there it was... the shoe drop. Stolas kept his eyes fixed in front of him and he tightened his grip on his knee.]
Sorry? For which part? [Whoops, that came out more accusatory than he meant.] I mean... a lot has happened between us. I'm... sorry too for my hand in all this.
no subject
[--that. That was pretty solidly why. He flinches, knowing Stolas isn't wrong, and probably doesn't mean it as harshly as it comes out, but it still pulls his posture inward like he's a doll on a string. His breath catches when he draws it in, and then it's his turn to pull a knee up to his chest and hug onto it. Stolas apologizing just after soothes, but only just-- he doesn't feel like he deserves the apology, anyway.] All of it, Stolas, I-- fuck. [He presses his face into the side of his knee and breathes a moment.] I'm so fucked up, I already told you I'm shit at sorries-- you're the only fucking one I wanted to apologize to and I decided to ride my dick ass around all seven fucking rings apologizing with cheese baskets to a bunch of fuckers instead, because I'm a stubborn piece of shit.
no subject
It's alright, Blitz. Truly... We were both hurting. I know what it's like to be caught up in the heat of passion and regret the things I've said. [A breath as his talons stop moving.] To which I have so, so many regrets.
no subject
[He takes a breath, holds it, exhales, and turns toward Stolas, finally letting himself scoot sideways to bump their hips together. It's a bit of a snowball effect from there, and he draws both his knees up and huddles sideways, tail winding cautiously around Stolas' as he hugs his arms close to his own body.] ...the only thing at that party you were wrong about was that it didn't mean anything. I really, really am a motherfucker. A-and I didn't mean to hurt you. Not at all. [He will not be looking up from where he's got his head tipped forward into his knees anytime soon, thanks.]
no subject
Feeling the sudden warmth press against his thigh, the owl's heart rocketed up to his throat. Stolas sat frozen, not daring to move as that tail wrapped around his. Having his own words echoed back at him, a cold realization sunk in. Oh... oh shit... he was there when he was singing that song.
His heart felt like it was trying to escape, making it hard for the goetia to swallow it back down.]
It... it did? [He turns his head slightly to blink down at him.] Then... what did it mean to you?
no subject
[It could almost be funny, if it weren't for the way he stretches slightly and folds both his arms around the goetia's leg in favor of a quiet, miserable admission.] Everything, Stolas, I can't even fucking explain properly. I'm not-- [He sucks in a harsh breath and sits up, splaying both his hands over his face.] Fuuuck me, please don't judge if I start crying, just pretend you don't see anything. I'm not usually this fucking soggy, you just turn me into some kind of waterlogged sponge.
no subject
This was... new. It feels like ever since the trial, he has been seeing all sorts of new sides to him. Which... wasn't a bad thing. Confusing, if anything honestly. Closing his eyes, Stolas tilts over to press his shoulder against the imp in a comforting gesture.]
I see nothing. [He says in a soft voice.] You don't need to explain... I saw what you did at my sentencing. [There was another lull before he exhaled.] The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you...
no subject
["I can always do better", in a different way.]
[He still can't make himself look at Stolas, the stinging to the corners of his eyes making him afraid of it, but he wiggles his way against his side more securely.] 'n you didn't, not really. Not with that, at least. I'm-- [He laughs, because he feels ridiculous saying this when he's a hair's breath from bursting into tears.] I'm a hardy bitch, y'know?
[One of his hands moves to his neck and rubs absently, and then he frowns and does look up at Stolas, and-- yeah, he's all shiny-eyed and stressed out-looking, but there's a stronger current of worry.] ...you never told me what they did, after they threw me out. Banished, yeah, but-- they didn't hurt you, did they? [He reaches out before he can think better of it, ghosting his claws over the feathers at Stolas' neck.]
no subject
Stolas fidgets a little in his spot, shaking his head.]
It's alright to feel your emotions, Blitz... You know what helps me feel better? Singing about them. [He gives a gentle snort before his expression turns solemn.] That night when I gave you the crystal... The things you called me... I never knew I made you feel so low. My intentions towards you had always been genuine. You don't know just how important you are to me, Blitz... I regret ever making you feel that you weren't.
[The corners of the owl's eyes stung as he fought back the tears that threatened to leak out. That was until a soft touch brushed against his neck. All of his feathers ruffled as a shiver ran down his spine. Fuck, he missed being touched. Trying to shield his embarrassment, his eyes darted to the ceiling.]
O-oh? After? Well... nothing much really. They just stripped me of my status and my powers. It didn't hurt exactly, though it wasn't entirely pleasant either. It felt as if something was being pulled out of me, sapping my strength. I still feel a bit... empty.
no subject
[He huffs out a gusty sigh, damp, and smudges his hands over his eyes.] I don't really think it's intentional, you've just always had a silver spoon in your mouth. You don't know what it's like for bottom-feeders like me. How... impossible it is, to think someone with so much power and influence could want to..., slum it. I still don't get it, I'm still gonna second-guess it..., And honestly that you just threw it all away for me will never make sense. [He sniffs roughly, leaning into Stolas' side for a spell.]
[He looks back up with the details on his powers being stripped, carding his claws through his feathers.] ...they can't ever take it all from you, you just. Are magic. But take it easy on yourself, yeah? Don't overdo it.
no subject
In all his wild imaginations about their future, it was always been him with his princely status and Blitzø being well.... Blitzø. Never in a thousand years did he imagine the real cost it would take to truly be with him. Still, if he had to throw it all away to save his life, he would do it all over again.
Stolas lowered his eyes has he lets out a heavy sigh.]
I think you sell yourself too short, Blitz. If that party had anything to show, it proves how deeply others are drawn to you.
I... I couldn't let you die for a mistake I made. Letting you use my grimoire was highly illegal and yet I permitted you to borrow it. I knew that there would be dire consequences if we were ever to be found out. Besides.... [Stolas allows himself to sneak a small peak at Blitzø.] ... no matter what we are, I'd always come in your hour of need. A world without you in it isn't one worth living.
[He offered Blitzø a sheepish grin before quickly darting his eyes away to stare back up at the same spot on the ceiling. It took everythinghe had not to start cooing at the pleasant feeling of his feathers being combed.
He did, however, leaned into the touch.]I will try not to 'over do it'. I still have my immortality but any other magical ability has been purged from me.
no subject
[He hums, shaking his head again.] No, that... that's not just on you. I knew better, and I still tried to steal the damn thing. Still fucked around and found out, literally and figuratively. [That last bit, though... "A world without you in it isn't one worth living". It steals the breath from his lungs, a sharp inhale cut off as he jolts upward to look at Stolas. He's stunned, to have it stated so plainly, that Stolas straight doesn't want to live without him. He's the same, of course, and it took the trial for him to realize, and oh, he feels absolutely sick with emotion.]
[He draws in a shallow breath and withers into the back of the couch like a leathery little plant.] I do not fucking deserve you, or anything you've done for me, but-- fuck, I'm so grateful. [He just leans there a minute, eventually turning his head to look back up at Stolas, and he manages a funny little smile.] Nah. Still magic. [He reaches over and paws for Stolas' hand.]
no subject
He had broken the one big promise he made to her. That he wouldn't 'run away' with Blitzø to leave her alone. What a horrible father he was... How could he deserve to be happy when she wasn't there to share it with him?
Just has he was downward spiraling, he felt a hand pawing for his. Stolas looked down at Blitzø, giving him a light snort and roll of the eyes at his as he gentle nudged him with his shoulder for his corny 'magical' comment. But he allowed his to take his hand in his.]
Say... Blitz? May I ask you something? [There was one last nagging question that buzzed in his brain.] You have been so accommodating ever since the trial. Taking me in, looking after me.... Why are you being so kind to me? It isn't out of some sense of obligation after I saved your life, is it?
[
Will it this feeling fade?]no subject
Hm? Oh. Mmmn. [He scrunches his face like it's hard to put to words, shifting one of his hands to slot their fingers together. He smiles, slowly, shrugging both shoulders.] Not obligation. Just... understanding. I've been through a lot of rough patches in my life, Stolas, and... [Shaking his head, he looks up and leans his head flat against the couch. His smile is tired, but still warm.] My hand in the cookie jar or not, you're too important to me to let you figure this shit out by yourself. Loss fucks a person up-- changes you, and I-- [He squeezes Stolas' hand, his face mottling an embarrassed grey.] I. Don't want you to get on that train to London.
no subject
Where was this side of him before?His whole heart-shaped face darkens with a deep flush as he continues to stare wide eyed at the imp. God, this silence has stretched on for too long. All four of his eyes fluttered, turning to head slightly to the side as a ghost of a smile haunts the corners of his beak.]
Well.... I'm not going anywhere.
no subject
[He leans forward until his forehead is pressed against Stolas' side.] Good. Me either.
no subject
Again, a moment of comfortable silence passed between them. This was not how he had pictured this Talk going. Maybe it was just his past experiences but he was fully braced for yelling and tears. Not that he was complaining about the outcome. Yet... there was still one burning issue that needed to be ironed out.]
So, Blitz.... About us... [He pauses.] Are you suggesting that you want to give it another try?
no subject
[This was hardly all they needed to discuss, all they needed to lay out and explain, to understand about one another, but... Stolas shifting the topic drew Blitzø out of the near-doze he'd slipped into. He makes a curious grunt of sound and sits up again, blinking a few times and then scrunching his eyes closed to process the question.]
...don't get mad at me for saying this, but there wasn't an us to really speak of before. I'm-- that's on me, mostly. [His body coils again, back into the couch cushions with his tail wound around himself.] ...but. If you... [He exhales, curling his arms around his knees and ignoring the way his whole frame is shaking slightly.] If you want there to be an us. [He blinks at his knees, holding his breath, eventually mashing his face into them because he can't look at Stolas right now.] Then, yeah. "Us" sounds fucking great.
no subject
[That ember of that warm fuzzy feeling was promptly snuffed out remembering 'them' from before. Right, they never were an us before. Reacting on instinct, he pulled back his hands to hug his arms. So... if him being kind to him wasn't because Blitzø wanted to be with him then... was he misreading their situation again?
Stolas's brows furrowed slightly as his grip tightens.]
Blitz.... I want to do this properly if we are to pursue this. I... may not be ready but.... I want to be.
no subject
[Because he thought he had to be.]
[He draws in a careful breath and lifts his head, and seeing the way Stolas has drawn back into himself again makes his eyes get hot. He did that. He always did that--]
I'm not right for you, you know. I mean-- look at this. Look at us. All I've ever done is hurt you when it mattered, Stolas, how can..., Why would you want that?
no subject
[Stolas found himself sharply cutting in with a bit more umph then it meant to. Shrinking into himself more after his little outburst, he casts a remorseful look to the floor.]
I mean, before all this... before I placed my one-sided expectations on our situation... [Before he misread their relationship...] I meant what I said that you made me happy. You made me feel wanted, even if it was for a little bit. Made me forget about...
[The words get caught up in his throat as he vaguely gestures to himself.
His scrawny twig ass.]... all this. Seeing you take control of your own fate, it opened my eyes that maybe I could escape mine.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)