[Stolas hums thoughtfully. From what little he saw, this world's technology was... mixed]
If we can, it would be interesting to see what films they have. Though no worries I'd we can't. There are plenty of other things we can do.
[Wait- No, shit. Struck with how that migbt sound again Stolas strumbled over his words to clarifywhat he meant.]
Like go for a walk! O-or read a book! This... this is my first time celebrating this holiday so what ever you decide for us to do will be just fine, I'm sure!
[He shrugs, despite Stolas being on the phone and not being able to see the gesture, but somehow it makes his voice roll with the gesture.] Only way to know is to find out, that'll be my task for the day.
[Hearing Stolas..., do that, be suggestive and then double back on himself, it draws another breathy little chuckle out of the imp.] Stols, chill. We..., when I said talk, I meant like talk-talk, we've got a lot of shit to catch up on and figure out. And-- maybe Valentine's is a bad time for that, because it's not gonna be a talk that's always... fun, or happy, but. [He fidgets with a button on his coat, shaking his head.] We've never really done anything conventionally, to begin with.
[There was a sting of guilt that plucked at his heart. Why did he ever suggest that deal? To live out a fantasy he had only read in books? But talking... yes, that needed to happen. With all the new changes happening around him, it had been neglected. The imp wasn't the only one who wanted to set the record straight.
Stolas huffed a gentle sigh, trying to shove back the creeping anxiety that bleed at the corners of his mind.]
I knew what you meant... A lot has happened recently and I know my mind has been pulled elsewhere... But it is about time we 'do words' at eachother.
[He stops walking again, his own anxiety closing off his throat for a moment at the specific way Stolas says it. He swallows, clearing his throat and pulling on his collar.] 'n you, uh. You... want? To do words, this time?
[There was a pause as Stolas grips the bedsheets with his free hand.]
If we're going to be trapped here together, the least we can do is talk things out. Lucifer only knows how long it will be until we can get back home. Might as well use what time we have, right?
[It's less that it's a bad way for Stolas to present it and more that Blitzø is incapable of not catastrophizing it. "If we're going to be trapped here together", because of course Stolas doesn't want to be trapped-- Blitzø doesn't, either, but the phrasing strikes him and he feels his heartbeat climb into his throat. "The least we can do", which was true, but it closed off his throat again with the way his heart thudded against the back of his tongue.]
[He exhales, then inhales again, and winds up wandering out of where he'd been shopping to drop into a crouch somewhere and just breathe. This was good, this was a step in the right direction, but holy shit the horrifying ordeal of being known was going to make him vomit.]
[He forgets he's on the phone, somehow, and a shift on the other end of the line startles him into a wordless grunt and he stands back up, wound so tight he hears his spine crack as he goes.] Shit-- yeah. Sorry. I-- maybe..., maybe we can talk sooner? I'unno about you, but a looming deadline is gonna fuck me right the hell up and I'm enough of a pain in the ass to deal with without being a basket case trying to rehearse a conversation I really want to not fuck up. That I've fucked up twice already. Three? At least one too many times.
[His voice gets a bit small.] ...I can bring something back, to eat, and we can try a little talking today, if you want.
[Stolas’s heart slammed against the roof of his mouth. Sure, he had suggested it, but it felt so far off. It.. it did need to happen. What if he fucks it up again? What if they fought again? Would the date still be on? Would Blitzø leave him? Would he be alone? Where were his medications when he needed them?
His eyes darted down to his state of dress. Or rather, the lack there of and the imp could hear the owl scrambling to get out of bed. If he was going to be home soon, he shouldn't be free ranging it.]
I'm just waking up. If you give me five minutes, I can be ready. See you when you get home?
I-- we don't ..., we don't have to! Or, not-- don't stress out about it, I forget you're just getting up. I'm an early riser, and usually the saying is "night owl", isn't it. [He manages a little chuckle at his own expense, leaning against something and fiddling with his coat again.]
I said "if you want", so if you don't we can hold off. I'll still bring you back something-- I don't. Know what you like to eat.
[One step at a time. If the mood is right as they ate, then let it happen. Even if the thought still rattled him a bit.
Pulling on a shirt, Stolas pauses. Right. Food. There was a tickle of deja vu as the imp asked about what he ate... Didn't they already have this conversation?]
Oh... you do bring up a good point. I highly doubt they would have any of the exotic rarities I'm familiar with back in Hell... Do they at least have rats?
["Exotic rarities" pulls a chuckle out of Blitzø, loosens a bit of the tightness to his chest.] I feel like rats are probably everywhere, I'll do some hunting. Text me a list of your weird rich people shit and I'll ask around, though I gotta be honest when I say I'll probably have no idea how to cook it.
[He was rattled about it, too. What was most important, he figured, was that they stayed open with one another about-- everything. It scared him, to be open, especially about his feelings, but it scared him more to lose Stolas completely if he kept shoving them down and away. It was a weird place to be, to be scared enough of losing someone to do something else he was scared of, that he hated doing.]
[His voice is quiet again. Soft, the way it had been when he'd taken Stolas home, washed him off in his shitty bathtub with his shitty water heater that barely made the bath lukewarm.] I'm gonna get off the phone, but. I'll be back in an hour? To give you time to think about if you wanna talk about anything. Does that work?
[Even though he was on the phone, Stolas gave a little nod.]
That is fine by me. I'll text you that list. [Pause.] I'll see you when you get home. Take care, Blitz.
[And with that, he ended the call. For a moment aftet, Stolas continued to clutch the phone in his hands, trying to sort all the rushing thoughts that rattled his brain. One hour, huh?
Doing his best to shake it off, he finished getting dresssed and texted Blitzø the list... just in case. Then he walk back out into the common living space. With fresh eyes, the great owl paused to take it all in. The apartment was neat and tidy but its bare walls and lack of personal touch made the whole space feel cold. Sure, Blitzø's whole horse decor was not his first choice however... it made the place brighter.
Slowly his eyes drifted over to the couch that sat squarely in the center of the room. Stolas walked over behind it to peer down over the edge like he was expecting to find someone still curled up. But it sat empty, with only a faint indentation where the imp had been the night before. Tracing along the boarder of the sofa, Stolas pushed off to head out on to his veranda.
Walking up to the railing, he leans up against it, taking in the cool crisp air. It was still a bit chilly outside but the brisk air chased away any threads of sleep that still clung to him. He needed to think. Needed to sort out what he wanted to say, what he wanted to ask. Stolas huffed a sigh as he lowered his head to nestle it against his arms. What he wouldn't give for a smoke right now...]
[An hour, as it turns out, is not a whole lot of time. Especially not when you spend most of it lost inside your enormous skull thinking and overthinking about the potential of a very difficult conversation you're about to have. Which of course, is exactly what Blitzø does.]
[He gets the list and nobody has any idea what any of it is, but he does manage the rats. He's got a whole little row of them, tied to a stick by their tails over his shoulder, along with four paper bags of various things. So when an hour is up, there's-- well. It's not quite a knock, it's more of a bonk, because his hands are full so he just knocks into the door with his fucking head.]
[Hey, it works.]
[Once inside, Blitzø proceeds to pretend like he isn't an anxious mess about Talking, nattering about his little shopping trip and brandishing the rats as soon as his hands are free with the bags set down on the countertop (this place really is like his apartment in Hell). Then he sets about taking things out of the bags-- some staples, eggs and bacon and bread, a little can of sardines because someone suggested it when he was asking about "fire koi", some leafy shit he isn't sure of the origin of (it's kale, you idiot), and then he's moving on to the final bag.] And some fun shit!! No dice on the DVD player, people didn't quite seem to know what I was asking about, but I don't think I've seen any DVDs, either. I really gotta try and see how far I can get this ol' crystal to take me, maybe I can just pilfer some shit from our Earth. Buuuut, [He pulls out a pair of mugs-- one is navy and covered in little stars and a crescent moon, and he drums his claws on the sides of it.] It changes color when you put hot shit in it! Turns into a sunrise or something. [The other mug has a bunch of horses on it. It's pretty clear which mug is meant for whom, actually. He digs into the bag again and extracts a little square-ish thing, and squints from one corner of the room the the other, tearing into the cardboard of it.] Gimme some lift, yeah? This place is dreary as fuck. [As it turns out, he got fairy lights. Which he drapes up in the corners of the room, and they bathe the wall along the bedroom in a pale yellow glow after he plugs them in behind a little table against the wall. He looks pleased as punch about this.]
[But then he's out of things to show, out of distractions, and it leaves him in a crouch by the plug on the wall, and he looks up over his shoulder at Stolas and he feels smaller than he thinks he's ever felt in his life. He clears his throat.] So, uh. Ambient lighting for this Talk, if you're up for it, I guess.
[By the time Blitzø finally showed back home, Stolas has moved back into the living room to perch himself on the couch to wait. Standing outside in the cold was making him start to lose feeling in his extremities. When the door swung open, Stolas sprung to his feet to greet him.
He listened quietly as he lets the imp show off his finds with a small amused smile on his beak. It wasn't until he pulled out the mug and fairy lights that cause his smile to crack.]
You... got these for me?
[There was a slight tone of disbelief when he spoke. Even now... Blitzø was thinking about him. Something in his chest stirred at the gesture. Choking it down, Stolas happily aided him in placing the lights up on the wall. It was simple but the twinkle of lights helped the room feel lighter.
It didn't last long however when the hellborn shifted subjects to the big glaring elephant in the room. Stolas body flinched, jolting him to stand up straight.]
Talking! Yes, right...
[Shuffling over to the couch, he goes to sit on the far edge, allowing plenty of space for Blitzø to join him. And to keep his distance if he wanted... Stolas folded his long legs together, gripping them on the knees where his eyes held focus.]
[He's wringing his hands together as he slowly circles around to the other end of the couch, his tail hung low behind him. Everything in his posture is tense and small, uncertain and wary. Stolas folding himself into a tiny little owl envelope on the other side of the couch makes him ache something terrible, and he wants to walk over and pull his hands from his knees and rearrange him, tell him to take up space, tell him to sing into a microphone about how much of a motherfucker Blitzø was, again--]
[--but he doesn't.]
[He just stands there and wrings his hands, slowly climbing up onto the couch and sitting on the arm of it, hugging his own elbows and leaning against the back of it.] You know what, Stolas. You said it yourself, if-- if we're gonna be trapped here together... Least we can do is talk things out. And-- [He sits up, hands splayed in a starkly submissive gesture.] I don't want you to feel trapped, okay? I don't have to stay here, if you don't want me to, I just wanted to make sure you settle in okay. I don't-- you don't have to see me at all, if y'don't wanna. [Well, this started off great.]
[Stolas’s head snapped up and swiveled over to stare at Blitzø with wide eyes. His gaze locked on the imp's posture, mirroring much of his own. Was that what he thought?]
No Blitz, I-.... That's not what I meant when I was referring to being trapped. You've never made me feel trapped. [There was a moment of hesitation as he pulls back to stare at his knees.] It would be lonely if you left. Only of you want to stay, that is. I wouldn't force you to be with me.
[He catalogues Stolas' movements, watches the way he folds up even smaller, somehow, and lowers his hands. His tail loops up over the arm of the couch with him and curls against it, like he's holding onto the corner to avoid wringing his hands again.]
[He exhales a wobbly laugh.] Pretty sure I've told you before, I don't do shit I don't wanna do. Can-- can I come over there? It's weird for you to look so little wedged up in the corner of a couch.
[Progress. He draws in another breath and exhales, trying to calm the roar of his heartbeat in his ears, the way it thuds stupidly against his ribs like an animal trying to escape the confines of his chest, and uncoils his tail from the arm of the couch in favor of crawling over toward Stolas. It's startlingly similar to the way he sat on the chaise in Stolas' bedroom in the palace when they first met again, which he only realizes as he frowns at his feet stuck straight out in front of him. He wiggles his hooves idly and quirks a crooked grin.]
It's..., I guess kind of reassuring to know you're nervous about this, too. [His hands rest on his thighs and he lays the spines on his back flat so he can put his shoulders against the cushions, even if his head has to be tilted forward because of his giant fuckass horns. It leaves him watching his hands in his lap, and he fidgets, wringing his fingers together again.] ...um. I think. A really important way for me to. Start this, is by saying I'm really fucking sorry.
[Stolas let's out an airy chuckle, along with more of his pent up nerves as he shifts a bit in his spot. Nothing got past the imp's sharp eyes. Getting into a more relaxed position, he inched a bit closer to the imp, but still giving him his space.
Then, there it was... the shoe drop. Stolas kept his eyes fixed in front of him and he tightened his grip on his knee.]
Sorry? For which part? [Whoops, that came out more accusatory than he meant.] I mean... a lot has happened between us. I'm... sorry too for my hand in all this.
[He was afraid to sit too close-- he wanted to, Satan did he want to just crawl into Stolas' lap and bury his face in the tuft of feathers at his collar and hug him and apologize until he was hoarse (ha), but--]
[--that. That was pretty solidly why. He flinches, knowing Stolas isn't wrong, and probably doesn't mean it as harshly as it comes out, but it still pulls his posture inward like he's a doll on a string. His breath catches when he draws it in, and then it's his turn to pull a knee up to his chest and hug onto it. Stolas apologizing just after soothes, but only just-- he doesn't feel like he deserves the apology, anyway.] All of it, Stolas, I-- fuck. [He presses his face into the side of his knee and breathes a moment.] I'm so fucked up, I already told you I'm shit at sorries-- you're the only fucking one I wanted to apologize to and I decided to ride my dick ass around all seven fucking rings apologizing with cheese baskets to a bunch of fuckers instead, because I'm a stubborn piece of shit.
[That night... that party... All this seems hauntingly familiar. His memories of that night were hazy at best after he walked off that stage. Numbing his sorrows with an ocean of booze. Somewhere in the back on his mind, Blitzø's words itched. Drumming his talons, Stolas thought about what to say next.]
It's alright, Blitz. Truly... We were both hurting. I know what it's like to be caught up in the heat of passion and regret the things I've said. [A breath as his talons stop moving.] To which I have so, so many regrets.
[Blitzø makes an agitated trill of sound and swats a hand through the air, but manages a derisive laugh despite himself.] Yeah, we know the heat of passion pretty fuckin' well, don't we. [He sounds. Tired about that, worn in a way he doesn't usually let himself be.]
[He takes a breath, holds it, exhales, and turns toward Stolas, finally letting himself scoot sideways to bump their hips together. It's a bit of a snowball effect from there, and he draws both his knees up and huddles sideways, tail winding cautiously around Stolas' as he hugs his arms close to his own body.] ...the only thing at that party you were wrong about was that it didn't mean anything. I really, really am a motherfucker. A-and I didn't mean to hurt you. Not at all. [He will not be looking up from where he's got his head tipped forward into his knees anytime soon, thanks.]
[Stolas let's out a strangled laugh at Blitzø’s comment, giving him a little roll of the eyes. That's not the heat of passion he was talking about but... yes. They were very familiar with that.
Feeling the sudden warmth press against his thigh, the owl's heart rocketed up to his throat. Stolas sat frozen, not daring to move as that tail wrapped around his. Having his own words echoed back at him, a cold realization sunk in. Oh... oh shit... he was there when he was singing that song.
His heart felt like it was trying to escape, making it hard for the goetia to swallow it back down.]
It... it did? [He turns his head slightly to blink down at him.] Then... what did it mean to you?
[Blitzø's a pretty small guy. He's tall for an imp, but he's still barely more than four feet tall, though when you include his horns he seems a little less microscopic, even as an owl pulled seven times through a taffy puller and the actual height of a tree. Anyway, aforementioned imp has become impossibly smaller, curled there against Stolas' leg, and the way he keeps crunching further and further inward is making it really hard for him to breathe. Add to that the fact that he's verging somewhere between panic and outright sobbing breakdown, and he realizes he quite plainly can't fucking breathe folded up as he is, so he worms forward and presses his face into Stolas' feathery knee with a squashed whine of sound.]
[It could almost be funny, if it weren't for the way he stretches slightly and folds both his arms around the goetia's leg in favor of a quiet, miserable admission.] Everything, Stolas, I can't even fucking explain properly. I'm not-- [He sucks in a harsh breath and sits up, splaying both his hands over his face.] Fuuuck me, please don't judge if I start crying, just pretend you don't see anything. I'm not usually this fucking soggy, you just turn me into some kind of waterlogged sponge.
[When Blitzø doubled over, pressing his face against his leg, both of Stolas's hands shot up over his head. It took him a second to process what was going on as the imp bared his heart. Should he touch him? Would he shy away? Would he want that? Before the owl could decide what to do with his hands, Blitzø had made the choice for him. Slowly, Stolas lowered his hands back into his lap.
This was... new. It feels like ever since the trial, he has been seeing all sorts of new sides to him. Which... wasn't a bad thing. Confusing, if anything honestly. Closing his eyes, Stolas tilts over to press his shoulder against the imp in a comforting gesture.]
I see nothing. [He says in a soft voice.] You don't need to explain... I saw what you did at my sentencing. [There was another lull before he exhaled.] The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Stolas hums thoughtfully. From what little he saw, this world's technology was... mixed]
If we can, it would be interesting to see what films they have. Though no worries I'd we can't. There are plenty of other things we can do.
[Wait- No, shit. Struck with how that migbt sound again Stolas strumbled over his words to clarifywhat he meant.]
Like go for a walk! O-or read a book! This... this is my first time celebrating this holiday so what ever you decide for us to do will be just fine, I'm sure!
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[Hearing Stolas..., do that, be suggestive and then double back on himself, it draws another breathy little chuckle out of the imp.] Stols, chill. We..., when I said talk, I meant like talk-talk, we've got a lot of shit to catch up on and figure out. And-- maybe Valentine's is a bad time for that, because it's not gonna be a talk that's always... fun, or happy, but. [He fidgets with a button on his coat, shaking his head.] We've never really done anything conventionally, to begin with.
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[There was a sting of guilt that plucked at his heart. Why did he ever suggest that deal?
To live out a fantasy he had only read in books?But talking... yes, that needed to happen. With all the new changes happening around him, it had been neglected. The imp wasn't the only one who wanted to set the record straight.Stolas huffed a gentle sigh, trying to shove back the creeping anxiety that bleed at the corners of his mind.]
I knew what you meant... A lot has happened recently and I know my mind has been pulled elsewhere... But it is about time we 'do words' at eachother.
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If we're going to be trapped here together, the least we can do is talk things out. Lucifer only knows how long it will be until we can get back home. Might as well use what time we have, right?
holy anxiety lizard batman
[He exhales, then inhales again, and winds up wandering out of where he'd been shopping to drop into a crouch somewhere and just breathe. This was good, this was a step in the right direction, but holy shit the horrifying ordeal of being known was going to make him vomit.]
[He forgets he's on the phone, somehow, and a shift on the other end of the line startles him into a wordless grunt and he stands back up, wound so tight he hears his spine crack as he goes.] Shit-- yeah. Sorry. I-- maybe..., maybe we can talk sooner? I'unno about you, but a looming deadline is gonna fuck me right the hell up and I'm enough of a pain in the ass to deal with without being a basket case trying to rehearse a conversation I really want to not fuck up. That I've fucked up twice already. Three? At least one too many times.
[His voice gets a bit small.] ...I can bring something back, to eat, and we can try a little talking today, if you want.
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[Stolas’s heart slammed against the roof of his mouth. Sure, he had suggested it, but it felt so far off. It.. it did need to happen. What if he fucks it up again? What if they fought again? Would the date still be on? Would Blitzø leave him?
Would he be alone? Where were his medications when he needed them?His eyes darted down to his state of dress. Or rather, the lack there of and the imp could hear the owl scrambling to get out of bed. If he was going to be home soon, he shouldn't be free ranging it.]
I'm just waking up. If you give me five minutes, I can be ready. See you when you get home?
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I said "if you want", so if you don't we can hold off. I'll still bring you back something-- I don't. Know what you like to eat.
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[One step at a time. If the mood is right as they ate, then let it happen. Even if the thought still rattled him a bit.
Pulling on a shirt, Stolas pauses. Right. Food. There was a tickle of deja vu as the imp asked about what he ate... Didn't they already have this conversation?]
Oh... you do bring up a good point. I highly doubt they would have any of the exotic rarities I'm familiar with back in Hell... Do they at least have rats?
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[He was rattled about it, too. What was most important, he figured, was that they stayed open with one another about-- everything. It scared him, to be open, especially about his feelings, but it scared him more to lose Stolas completely if he kept shoving them down and away. It was a weird place to be, to be scared enough of losing someone to do something else he was scared of, that he hated doing.]
[His voice is quiet again. Soft, the way it had been when he'd taken Stolas home, washed him off in his shitty bathtub with his shitty water heater that barely made the bath lukewarm.] I'm gonna get off the phone, but. I'll be back in an hour? To give you time to think about if you wanna talk about anything. Does that work?
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That is fine by me. I'll text you that list. [Pause.] I'll see you when you get home. Take care, Blitz.
[And with that, he ended the call. For a moment aftet, Stolas continued to clutch the phone in his hands, trying to sort all the rushing thoughts that rattled his brain. One hour, huh?
Doing his best to shake it off, he finished getting dresssed and texted Blitzø the list... just in case. Then he walk back out into the common living space. With fresh eyes, the great owl paused to take it all in. The apartment was neat and tidy but its bare walls and lack of personal touch made the whole space feel cold. Sure, Blitzø's whole horse decor was not his first choice however... it made the place brighter.
Slowly his eyes drifted over to the couch that sat squarely in the center of the room. Stolas walked over behind it to peer down over the edge like he was expecting to find someone still curled up. But it sat empty, with only a faint indentation where the imp had been the night before. Tracing along the boarder of the sofa, Stolas pushed off to head out on to his veranda.
Walking up to the railing, he leans up against it, taking in the cool crisp air. It was still a bit chilly outside but the brisk air chased away any threads of sleep that still clung to him. He needed to think. Needed to sort out what he wanted to say, what he wanted to ask. Stolas huffed a sigh as he lowered his head to nestle it against his arms. What he wouldn't give for a smoke right now...]
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[He gets the list and nobody has any idea what any of it is, but he does manage the rats. He's got a whole little row of them, tied to a stick by their tails over his shoulder, along with four paper bags of various things. So when an hour is up, there's-- well. It's not quite a knock, it's more of a bonk, because his hands are full so he just knocks into the door with his fucking head.]
[Hey, it works.]
[Once inside, Blitzø proceeds to pretend like he isn't an anxious mess about Talking, nattering about his little shopping trip and brandishing the rats as soon as his hands are free with the bags set down on the countertop (this place really is like his apartment in Hell). Then he sets about taking things out of the bags-- some staples, eggs and bacon and bread, a little can of sardines because someone suggested it when he was asking about "fire koi", some leafy shit he isn't sure of the origin of (it's kale, you idiot), and then he's moving on to the final bag.] And some fun shit!! No dice on the DVD player, people didn't quite seem to know what I was asking about, but I don't think I've seen any DVDs, either. I really gotta try and see how far I can get this ol' crystal to take me, maybe I can just pilfer some shit from our Earth. Buuuut, [He pulls out a pair of mugs-- one is navy and covered in little stars and a crescent moon, and he drums his claws on the sides of it.] It changes color when you put hot shit in it! Turns into a sunrise or something. [The other mug has a bunch of horses on it. It's pretty clear which mug is meant for whom, actually. He digs into the bag again and extracts a little square-ish thing, and squints from one corner of the room the the other, tearing into the cardboard of it.] Gimme some lift, yeah? This place is dreary as fuck. [As it turns out, he got fairy lights. Which he drapes up in the corners of the room, and they bathe the wall along the bedroom in a pale yellow glow after he plugs them in behind a little table against the wall. He looks pleased as punch about this.]
[But then he's out of things to show, out of distractions, and it leaves him in a crouch by the plug on the wall, and he looks up over his shoulder at Stolas and he feels smaller than he thinks he's ever felt in his life. He clears his throat.] So, uh. Ambient lighting for this Talk, if you're up for it, I guess.
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He listened quietly as he lets the imp show off his finds with a small amused smile on his beak. It wasn't until he pulled out the mug and fairy lights that cause his smile to crack.]
You... got these for me?
[There was a slight tone of disbelief when he spoke. Even now... Blitzø was thinking about him. Something in his chest stirred at the gesture. Choking it down, Stolas happily aided him in placing the lights up on the wall. It was simple but the twinkle of lights helped the room feel lighter.
It didn't last long however when the hellborn shifted subjects to the big glaring elephant in the room. Stolas body flinched, jolting him to stand up straight.]
Talking! Yes, right...
[Shuffling over to the couch, he goes to sit on the far edge, allowing plenty of space for Blitzø to join him. And to keep his distance if he wanted... Stolas folded his long legs together, gripping them on the knees where his eyes held focus.]
... What exactly did you want to talk about?
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[--but he doesn't.]
[He just stands there and wrings his hands, slowly climbing up onto the couch and sitting on the arm of it, hugging his own elbows and leaning against the back of it.] You know what, Stolas. You said it yourself, if-- if we're gonna be trapped here together... Least we can do is talk things out. And-- [He sits up, hands splayed in a starkly submissive gesture.] I don't want you to feel trapped, okay? I don't have to stay here, if you don't want me to, I just wanted to make sure you settle in okay. I don't-- you don't have to see me at all, if y'don't wanna. [Well, this started off great.]
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[Stolas’s head snapped up and swiveled over to stare at Blitzø with wide eyes. His gaze locked on the imp's posture, mirroring much of his own. Was that what he thought?]
No Blitz, I-.... That's not what I meant when I was referring to being trapped. You've never made me feel trapped. [There was a moment of hesitation as he pulls back to stare at his knees.] It would be lonely if you left. Only of you want to stay, that is. I wouldn't force you to be with me.
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[He exhales a wobbly laugh.] Pretty sure I've told you before, I don't do shit I don't wanna do. Can-- can I come over there? It's weird for you to look so little wedged up in the corner of a couch.
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You may... I didn't know where you wanted to sit so I thought I would give you options. Though, I might have over corrected...
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It's..., I guess kind of reassuring to know you're nervous about this, too. [His hands rest on his thighs and he lays the spines on his back flat so he can put his shoulders against the cushions, even if his head has to be tilted forward because of his giant fuckass horns. It leaves him watching his hands in his lap, and he fidgets, wringing his fingers together again.] ...um. I think. A really important way for me to. Start this, is by saying I'm really fucking sorry.
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Then, there it was... the shoe drop. Stolas kept his eyes fixed in front of him and he tightened his grip on his knee.]
Sorry? For which part? [Whoops, that came out more accusatory than he meant.] I mean... a lot has happened between us. I'm... sorry too for my hand in all this.
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[--that. That was pretty solidly why. He flinches, knowing Stolas isn't wrong, and probably doesn't mean it as harshly as it comes out, but it still pulls his posture inward like he's a doll on a string. His breath catches when he draws it in, and then it's his turn to pull a knee up to his chest and hug onto it. Stolas apologizing just after soothes, but only just-- he doesn't feel like he deserves the apology, anyway.] All of it, Stolas, I-- fuck. [He presses his face into the side of his knee and breathes a moment.] I'm so fucked up, I already told you I'm shit at sorries-- you're the only fucking one I wanted to apologize to and I decided to ride my dick ass around all seven fucking rings apologizing with cheese baskets to a bunch of fuckers instead, because I'm a stubborn piece of shit.
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It's alright, Blitz. Truly... We were both hurting. I know what it's like to be caught up in the heat of passion and regret the things I've said. [A breath as his talons stop moving.] To which I have so, so many regrets.
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[He takes a breath, holds it, exhales, and turns toward Stolas, finally letting himself scoot sideways to bump their hips together. It's a bit of a snowball effect from there, and he draws both his knees up and huddles sideways, tail winding cautiously around Stolas' as he hugs his arms close to his own body.] ...the only thing at that party you were wrong about was that it didn't mean anything. I really, really am a motherfucker. A-and I didn't mean to hurt you. Not at all. [He will not be looking up from where he's got his head tipped forward into his knees anytime soon, thanks.]
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Feeling the sudden warmth press against his thigh, the owl's heart rocketed up to his throat. Stolas sat frozen, not daring to move as that tail wrapped around his. Having his own words echoed back at him, a cold realization sunk in. Oh... oh shit... he was there when he was singing that song.
His heart felt like it was trying to escape, making it hard for the goetia to swallow it back down.]
It... it did? [He turns his head slightly to blink down at him.] Then... what did it mean to you?
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[It could almost be funny, if it weren't for the way he stretches slightly and folds both his arms around the goetia's leg in favor of a quiet, miserable admission.] Everything, Stolas, I can't even fucking explain properly. I'm not-- [He sucks in a harsh breath and sits up, splaying both his hands over his face.] Fuuuck me, please don't judge if I start crying, just pretend you don't see anything. I'm not usually this fucking soggy, you just turn me into some kind of waterlogged sponge.
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This was... new. It feels like ever since the trial, he has been seeing all sorts of new sides to him. Which... wasn't a bad thing. Confusing, if anything honestly. Closing his eyes, Stolas tilts over to press his shoulder against the imp in a comforting gesture.]
I see nothing. [He says in a soft voice.] You don't need to explain... I saw what you did at my sentencing. [There was another lull before he exhaled.] The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you...
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